Reading The Ethical Slut, Day 0

The last year has been an interesting one for me. After my last boyfriend and I broke up, I wanted to enjoy being single and date. I had fun for a while, but grew bored. Most of my dates were simple vanilla dinner dates which was a lot of fun, but I knew it couldn’t progress unless I told them I was kinky, or just went along being vanilla.

I began talking to a friends husband and we decided to try on a daddy/girl relationship. I spoke with her because I (still do!) consider her a friend and have a lot of respect for her and their marriage. We had her blessing. We weren’t dating, but I feel like it’s an accurate term. We got coffee 4-5 days a week and had dinner once a month or so. I wanted in no way to take away from their relationship and family.

In the long term, it didn’t work out, but not because of the poly aspects. As I wrote on Fetlife I was very happy with the actual relationship we had and the fact that someone was sharing their partner with me.

It made me curious. I met someone over the summer who I will admit, I’m a bit infatuated with. I think he’s totally the coolest person ever and we always have a lot of fun together. He’s been extremely honest about his non-monogamy and how he lives his life, but it’s quite new to me and I’ve been struggling and confused lately.

I reached out to my twitter community for advice and it was recommended, several times, that I read The Ethical Slut. I am hoping I have a better understanding of not only my friends’ relationships, but of just what I want from my own relationships. It’s safe to say I feel confused and a little lost after the last year, but I’m hoping to fix that.

Several more people joined in and we’ve decided to blog/discuss it. Those sharing this adventure with me are listed below and will be in each post.

The next post will discuss the first six chapters – aka Part 1. We are using the new 2009 edition, but the 1997 one is extremely similar. Let us know if you want to join in!


Mija at eltercerojo

Categories: Lemons, Life | Tags: , , , , | 1 Comment

Shadow Lane 2007 vs 2012 – The Beginning

Five years ago this summer, I attended my first Shadow Lane party. It was extremely exciting and exhilarating. Below is the report I wrote for that party. Reading this, and other reports from first Shadow Lane parties (here and here) has me reminiscing and thinking about how much I’ve changed. I wasn’t even ME back then. I wasn’t Marie. I was Kate James. I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I wrote this on my then blog, a Live Journal (90% of the photo links are broken), which is still live by the way. I refuse to delete it or change it, because it’s important that it be there for me to see into my past. I’d share the second part of the party report I wrote for that, but it’s on the LJ and a horrifically embarrassing essay from a completely terrified, insecure, and depressed 18 year old me! Below is the first part of the party report I wrote.

That Shadow Lane, which took place the summer of 2007, when I was 18 and had already shot with Clare Fonda, Chelsea Pfieffer, Kelly Payne, and Northern Spanking, was a turning point for me. It’s when I first started to realize I wasn’t really Kate. It, unfortunately, took me a lot longer to come to know who I actually was, but I eventually introduced myself to Marie, and fell in love with the person I knew she could be.


On Friday I headed out to a nearby Mall with my dear friend Bella. We were on a mission to find the perfect dress. Four hours, 17 dresses, 4 pairs of shoes, and some leggings later, I had the dress. It was short, coral pink and satiny. My shoes were silver and sparkly. Perfect. I also finally invested in some real grown up makeup with the MUCH appreciated help of Bella. Back at the hotel I mingled with some friends before getting ready for the Vendor’s Fair. I wore tight jeans and a tank top. I was feeling very happy with my new haircut and all. Looking good puts me in a good mood.

The first person I met was Eve Howard. She is a sweetheart in person. I was honored to have been invited to vend with Clare Fonda at this party and headed over to her table right away. I set up my small binder of DVDs from Scotland and we got started selling the stock we had.

Emily Jane was wearing a hot little white one piece jumper and I simply could not stop touching her bum. As soon as the rest of the SL crowd was allowed in we started selling. Both our DVDs flew off the table and we happily signed each and every copy – and even gave out some spankings as well.

At one point we said we would kiss if someone bought both DVDs…but he walked away! Oops! I was also able to sell some of the Northern Spanking DVDs. If you’d like any, let me know and I’ll tell you what titles I have!!!

Tom aka Wood Paddles stopped by from his table where he was vending his hand made paddles. They are such an excellent quality. He brought me some toys I had been eager to aquire. See, Tom makes something we call a “C-Strap”. Hot damn! This has got to be my favorite toy ever! It’s the perfect amount of thud and feels great!

Taking a break from vending, I headed around the tables to meet and greet. It was SUCH a pleasure to meet Veronica and Dr. D. They are such a nice real couple! Veronica was very sweet and made me blush with her compliments! I was flattered! I also bought one of their t-shirts from them.

The first table I stopped at to buy from was Kitty’s Paddles. I, thankfully, was able to snag her last cocobola paddle. Yay!

I also headed over to the Amateur Spankings table and met Gary and Philly and Amber – people who I had chatted with before and I was eager to meet. I stopped by and introduced myself to Dallas as the one who had seen her first spanking video at the age of 13 and it just happened to be one of his! 🙂

Meeting Pixie was great. I think she’s more cute in person! She was a sweetie. We didn’t get to talk much but I am sure we will connect through e-mail.

Many many people introduced themselves, including one who said she had wanted to meet me more than anyone after reading my posts on here and my blog! I am flattered! Ah! So sweet.

During the vending there was some spanking at our table. I spanked Clare, and Emily Jane. Emily Jane spanked me. Clare’s partner and cameraman who I’ll call D because I don’t know if he wants his name here, spanked me. And I spanked Clare and Emily at the same time!


So there you have it, the first Shadow Lane party report I ever wrote. This years, will come next, and will probably be quite different. While I think I can always keep improving, I think the person I am now is way better, cooler, nicer, happier and more fun than the person I was 5 years ago.

– Marie

Categories: Lemons, Life, Parties, Spanking, Uncategorized | Tags: , , | 3 Comments

A Return?

This past weekend was the annual Shadow Lane spanking party in Las Vegas. It’s been exactly five years since I was able to attend, so going was a rather big deal for me. In the time since I announced my departure from blogging I have come to thrive in the twitter and Fetlife communities online, and the local NYC BDSM communities. I’ve been in relationships, graduated from college, and moved four times. Life has been hectic, and crazy and more often than not, quite confusing. At the same time, however, it’s been kind of awesome.

Since I got back from Vegas last night, I’ve been thinking a lot about the influx of blog posts that would be coming in. I suddenly missed being a part of this community. I had a great talk with a newer spanking model this weekend and it affirmed why I left that part of the community. I know it wasn’t right for me – but it’s hard to deny that I miss the attention. The fact is, I’ve changed a lot in the last five years since I began in the scene. It’s not a surprise, I certainly knew I would change as a person, but I never could have imagine how I would change.

I think I may get back into blogging – if not to explain to all of you how I’ve changed, then to myself, perhaps. For now, I am going to sleep and try to fight off the drop from Shadow Lane (and my post Shadow Lane activities).

– Marie

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Advent Blog Day 9: Gramma’s House!

Hey – I was traveling most of today and then spending time with my mom and grandma so I didn’t get a chance to blog. But I am now! Kind of. Not a bad day but I’m tired so off I go! I will write something longer and better tomorrow, promise!


Categories: Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Advent Blog Day 8: 33 an counting

Wait…33 what? Hours.

I’ve been awake.

But it ends at 33. I’m going to sleep. Sorry day 8 wasn’t more interesting. Well, it kind of was for me. I’ll write more about it tomorrow, when I can brain.

– Marie

Categories: Advent Blog, Life, Vanilla | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Advent Blog Day 7: Work

So I love my job. I’m a massage therapist and one of the places I work, while not that specific place, but in general, is my dream job. I was massively excited when I was told I got the job and couldn’t wait to start. I was going to be hired for a very specific shift plus covering for others, off site gigs, and eventually more shifts.

But then I was told the shift wasn’t available but they still wanted to hire me. So I’d be coverage and do the offsite gigs. I figured this would lead to a shift eventually. Hopefully sooner rather than later. Knowing it would lead to more is what made me say yes with no true guarantee of hours. I started working a lot though with gigs. Then I was offered my very own shift after about 4 months. It would be a four hour shift once a week. Yay! Guaranteed hours!

A week later I get a text that they accidentally gave that shift to someone else and didn’t realize it but would like to offer me a three hour shift on Wednesday, 5-8. Ugh. Three hours at the end of the day, in the city. I had no reason to say no so I said yes – I’m on my way home from this shift now. I usually have one maybe two, clients. Which means I do a lot of sitting around. This is, essentially a “we fucked up” pity shift. They don’t really need someone to work this three hours, I’m delegated to a treatment room that is small, noisy, and across the office from the rest.

Yesterday I was offered an awesome three day chair gig that I simply couldn’t turn down. I got coverage for next weeks shift and told my guy I could do the gig. It’s a great opportunity and at least double the money (for one day!) for that three hours. I told my boss someone was covering my shift next week and she says to be “You’re supposed to give two weeks but ok” – no one told me that but the fact that she acts like my shift is important (when I have one person!) kind of got under my skin. Don’t pretend my shift is invaluable and my being there is crucial. I found coverage, be happy I didn’t just call in sick. The only good thing about this place is the pay and the people. Otherwise it kind of gets to me an in hoping for another similar office to hire me so I can quit.

Edit: Also, the office has christmas stockings (cheap ones, but still) hanging near the treatment rooms with the peoples names on them that usually use that room. I don’t have one, and apparently neither does the other girl who is a bit less new than me. Apparently “no stockings for noobs” >.< Fuck that shit! I won’t be there by next Christmas though, so I guess I’m glad they didn’t waste their money on a cheap dollar store stocking for me.

I went into massage so I wouldn’t have jobs that made me feel this way – frustrated and resentful. But since I quit my other job (long story) I can’t give this up without a replacement and chair gigs are just not reliable enough to be a replacement for it all.


Anyway, I haven’t been feeling well lately so I hope to get a decent nights sleep tonight so tomorrow is productive.

This is it for Advent Blog day 7 – what is that, 17 days to go?

– Marie

Categories: Advent Blog, Life, Vanilla | Tags: , , , | 3 Comments

Advent Blog Day 6: Dexter

Do any of you guys watch the show Dexter? I recently started it, and am just about to watch Season 3 episode 1. I had a nice discovery in season 2. I won’t give away anything huge, but it was the hottest mainstream spanking moment I’ve ever seen. Go ahead, watch it. Episode 8. But I highly recommend the preceding season and 7 episodes!

Sorry I don’t have more, I’ve had a migraine for a few days and am kind of out of it.

– Marie

Categories: Advent Blog, Spanking, Vanilla | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Advent Blog Day 5: Spanking Thanksgiving

Last week I spent Thanksgiving with a very dear spanking friend. Well, most of it anyway. He was one of my favorite spanking authors for years and we’ve been pretty close the last several. This was my first time meeting him though. I drove down to where he lives and stayed with him. While he had a lot of work to do, we had fun. He spanked me the first day, and I made him a sammich! Go me!

I also spent some time with my friend and his family. That was also pretty awesome. We went out a few nights, stayed in, and it was all great. Then on Thanksgiving, I cooked for my friend, C, and I. A turkey, mashed potatoes, broccoli salad, and deviled eggs. And biscuits. And cookies. And a pumpkin pie! It was all delicious and there was much picture taking (they’re on Facebook for my vanilla-spanko) cross over friends. And there was spanking. I took a pretty hard belt spanking from C one night, it was perfect. Not too much. And it was over my jammie pants. I LOVE bedtime spankings over my jammie pants!!

After we ate and lounged around lazy for a while, I went and had a SECOND thanksgiving with my friends family. Cooked some more, played with a hyperactive 7 year old, and had her help me bake cookies. All in all, a good thanksgiving. I actually did miss my mom and family this year for the first time ever, so I’m hoping Christmas is a good one.

– Marie

Categories: Advent Blog, Lemons, Spanking, Vanilla | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

Advent Blog Day 4: Party Time!

Really, I went to two parties last night. The first was the annual SSNY holiday party. It was a great party with a great crowd – a really awesome turn out. There were a lot of new faces, and a lot of out of town guests which is always nice to see. I brought my chocolate cake and the pumpkin pie and both seemed to go over well. I played once with an old friend, and it was nice. I played last week during a Thanksgiving trip visiting a spanko friend (I’ll write more about that tomorrow for Day 5!) but before that my last spanking was in late October. It was a nice spanking. Just what I needed. And not more than I can take. Although, it did leave me wanting a bit more of his belt. Perhaps a play date in the near future.

After the SSNY party, I headed downtown for a friends birthday. It was at this great bar near Wall Street on a street you can’t drive down because it’s narrow and cobblestoned. Truly fantastic, makes me wish I got to see NYC back in the days when all streets were cobblestone! Much alcohol was consumed – hard cider and shots and it was really awesome to see one of my best friends from massage school. It was her boyfriend whose birthday we were celebrating. I didn’t get home until nearly 4am so it’s a good thing I blogged Day 3 before the fun started last night! I slept in, was lazy and went and had a massage from a friend earlier today. It was fantastic. We trade, and I’ll get her back tomorrow.

Anyway, I don’t have a ton more to say – except that my roommate is a little crazy. He’s a good guy though so it’s not really bad crazy. Just a bit…OCD.

– Marie

Categories: Advent Blog, Parties, Spanking, Vanilla | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Advent Blog Day 3: Laundry!

I am blogging from the car! I didn’t want to miss a day of course, so I frantically installed the WordPress app on my phone so I could tell you all about my day. My first official Saturday not working since I quit one of my jobs – where I worked on Saturdays. I played more Glitch and then finally got together my laundry. I’ve needed to do laundry for over a week but I only washed what I needed for the next few days. Ever do that? I like doing laundry but it’s just harder when it’s not in my home. It’s only on the corner but well…it’s outside. But I did it! And I had cinnamon Cheerios for lunch.

Isn’t my blog so exciting?! I’m on the way to SSNY then out for a friends birthday so I’m sure once I rouse tomorrow I’ll have lots to tell you all!!

– Marie

Categories: Advent Blog, Lemons, Life, Parties, Spanking | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment