Explorations in D/s

Well, as you know by now if you’ve been keeping up with me here, or on Fetlife, or even some of you on Facebook, I’m in a relationship with someone…not so new anymore! Though it’s hard to believe it’s been less than 5 months! He’s totally into spanking and butts and everything butt, if you get my drift. It’s fantastic. However, he’s not super domly dom. That’s ok though, because I don’t need/want/like to be micromanaged. I don’t want rules and to have them documented as I break them. Are there things I want to be spanked for in a more serious way? Sure. The spanking I got this past Monday for being kind of crabby and rude when D went out of his way to meet me for drinks, is an example. My mood was off, I wasn’t being nice, and on our pit stop home, he told me to take my leggings down and then promptly pulled me across his lap. It sucked because my butt was cold! Cold butt spankings are the worst! It wasn’t long and it wasn’t brutal but it got the point across and did wonders for my mood (and warmed me up, ha!). I like scenes like that.

Anyway, most of our spanking interactions are mock-serious and/or sexy. One of my favorites, that I hadn’t experienced until now? Being spanked for touching myself.



It started out more playfully. The first time was super hot because it was unexpected. I pranced off to our room in the cabin we were staying in, to use my hitachi. He knew what I was doing but a few minutes into it he barged in, shocked, and startled me! I thought he was really mad. I quickly knew he wasn’t for serious mad, and then it was hot. He sat down and said something along the lines of now I had to finish with him watching. Then he spanked me, rather hard. Then he told me what naughty girls who touch themselves without permission get.

Can you guess?



Ok, they get their bottoms errrr filled. Usually with a glass Crystal Delights plug, but sometimes other things! I’m not going into tons of details but there was that! And then some other fun. But holy jesus it was hot.

So it became A Thing. And now it’s Totally A Thing All The Time. At first it was only that I had to ask permission to come if he was there. Then while he was out of town for Christmas, it was always. Since he was so far away, it made us feel a little more connected. Now, I have to ask for permission always! And last night I didn’t. I slipped on a thong (his second favorite kind of panties) and stuck my butt in the air a lot until he gave me some attention. It happened so fast I didn’t have time to ask. Oops! This glass toy I have though…it just…it’s hard to remember to ask.

I did show him how very sorry I was, though. I am, after all, a good girl. Most of the time!

Recently I got a far more fun punishment. Being “punished” for sexual things is just so damn hot. I’ll leave that one to your imagination.

– M

Categories: Life, New Experiences, relationships, Sexy Times, Spanking | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

2013…Looking back on January – August

Well, 2014 is quickly approaching. It’s interesting to look back on the year. Facebook certainly helps a lot, but old texts, blog post drafts, etc. also help. There’s a monthly run down after the jump…pictures included!

Continue reading

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Tis The Season

It is officially 3 days until Christmas. Well, I’m writing this and it’s still Sunday so it’s 3 days! By the time it’s posted and anyone reads it, it’l be Monday probably.

It’s been a week and a half since Understated left for home for Christmas and I miss him terribly. I know he’ll be back, but still! I’m already looking forward to next year, when I can wake up next to him and we can open presents together in person vs. over skype – which is our current plan. I haven’t been spanked since at least a day or two before he left and I really got used to being spanked regularly!!

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my family though. Two days after he left I visited my grandparents in NJ to hang out with my adorable little cousin for a while. It was a nice reprieve but I had to come home because I had to work. Now I am back for the week for Christmas. I’ll be going to my moms on Christmas Eve and then come back to the city probably the 27th. I wish I could travel at will but I am sadly at the whims of other people as rides and public transportation. Otherwise I’d come home the day after Christmas and enjoy my naked solitude!

Then I’m having a little spanking get together with my closest friends – basically I want all my favorite people around to spank me, and some girl-y friends to share cake and shenanigans with. It makes me sad that D can’t be here, but with both of my roommates out of town, I rarely get a chance so will go ahead with party planning. We have a lot of fun planned once he’s back.

I also reached out this weekend, to someone I had never spent a lot of time with before. Someone I’d seen at parties in passing and who has always always been kind to me – especially on Fetlife. We met up while she is in town and galavanted around my neighborhood and did ALL the talking. I’m so glad I reached out and got to know her. I so easily judge by what I see, that I need to remember to take a step back, and interact with people, and give them a chance. I won’t ignore my senses which have thus far ALWAYS been correct, but I really want to make more of an effort to make friends.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on the last year. A lot has happened. It feels like far longer than a year! I’m planning a bigger post with a reflection on the year that I will post sometime between Christmas and New Years. Also, I maybe will write about the SSNY Christmas Party, too.

For now, I leave you with my adorable new stripey socks. Rainbow socks are D’s favorite so I ordered a few pair ūüėČ I cannot wait for him to come home and do ALL the naughty things to me while I wear them. And only them!


And one more for good measure. Merry Christmas!


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That was the sound of me falling asleep and falling onto the floor.

The last three months have been INTENSE. My semester was only 12 weeks the way my school does it, with a 6 week session coming up in Jan/Feb, but I was loaded. I was taking five classes (General Psych, Eng 101, Critical Thinking, Community Health, and Freshman Seminar) and I acquired an extra job mid-semester which brought my total up to four. I work in two locations, have my own private practice (although, I don’t see a ton of clients that way), and I am now a writing tutor.

Between all of that and my newfound social life, I’ve had an exhausting – but amazing – fall. The payout will be worth it though. Even with a probably B+ in one of my classes, I will still likely have a 3.8. This is good because I am hoping to transfer to a four year school sooner, rather than later, and I’ve got an ivy-league on my list!

The semester is finally over and I have one last week of tying up loose ends with finals and my on campus job, then it’s a few weeks off from school work. Understated (this is what we’ll be referring to the boy as…or D) leaves soon to go back to where he’s from to take care of some things and visit family for Christmas. It’s going to be very difficult to be without him for 3 weeks but he is home just in time for NYE and we have a mini-getaway planned for my birthday that weekend.

Last night was the annual SSNY Christmas party and it was a lot of fun. I was a little saddened that a few people I wanted to play with, didn’t ask or told me a variation of “maybe later” and didn’t follow up. It was our first party together so that made it a bit of a learning experience for us both – not bad, just navigating waters that I haven’t been in for a very long time (since Max, really). I am sore after playing with, of course, Understated, an amazing English gentleman, a new friend I met a few months ago who is in the states for an internship (we’ll call him…V), and last but not least, Rad.

I thoroughly enjoyed all the play I got, but shyness + social anxiety is making me overthink the party and wonder why so few people asked me to play.

For now, I am going to go to sleep. D and I spent the day out by having brunch, going to Barnes & Noble, the Union Square Holiday Market, and the Strand. We then went home where I cooked dinner. Then he spanked me quite hard with the hairbrush and I cried.

I’ll leave the rest of the evening up to your imagination!

– Marie

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All The Updates!

I have two posts in drafts that I really want to finish, but damn, school is keeping me massively busy. It’s my first semester back in a few years, and it’s kickin’ my ass!

You see, I have a Ray of Sunshine in my life and he likes to assign over the top projects and other busy work to make himself feel like he’s doing his job. I think the skills I am learning in this class are extremely valuable, but I cannot move beyond having a terrible professor. Thankfully, it’ll all be over December 6th. In the meantime, a LOT has happened.

1. I met an amazing guy. He is my boyfriend. He spanks me (!!). He likes brunch. I am ever so fond of him!

2. My mom got hitched! It was kind of awesome.

3. My youngest brother is now a heroin addict. He’s turned into a terrible person because of it. It’s sad.

4. I’m getting spanked at least semi-regularly.

5. I have some pretty exciting new life goals!

6. I am happy.

Now, I should probably get back to finishing this study guide for my RoS because I fell asleep while doing it last night, and have been up since almost 4am (it’s nearly 5) working to complete it.

– Marie

Categories: Life, relationships, Spanking, Vanilla | 1 Comment

I think I need to be here again


Or maybe not?

I started reading my own blog posts again this morning (over at Spanking Kate James), and it hit me that I think I need to be writing regularly again. I’ve watched a lot of other people blossom into video stars and blogging queens and it’s brought back a flood of memories. There were days (years really) when the only people with blogs were Bailey (of Spanking Bailey fame) on her site, Sierra over on Live Journal when she was with Dallas, and….well, I think that was it. Sierra inspired me to start blogging, and there were limited options back then. No one else really had a blog other than us, until Pixie started blogging. And then it feels like it exploded. Blogging was no longer really a small sanctuary, it’s now an entire world – a community all of it’s own. It’s not a bad thing, but it made me run. It got big and kind of scary.

That, combined with my disconnect from the “Kate James” persona, lead me to leave blogging. I wasn’t getting anything from it anymore. I am not Kate, I don’t do videos anymore, and spanking isn’t my whole life (although it still is, and always will be, one of the most important parts of my kink life).

So why do I want to come back? I’ve been feeling a disconnect from the spanking community for a while, and I need to feel connected to it again. So I’m gonna try… And this is the place – this blogging place – I used to come to, for community, so I’ll give it a try.

I’ve been inconsistent but I’m going to be better…I swear!

– M

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Reading The Ethical Slut, Part 1.1

Normally, I’m a quick reader. I made it through nearly all of the Harry Potter books with non-stop 24 hour reading. I’ve never been a big fan of non-fiction, however, as my reading needs to slow down so comprehension goes up. It took me a few days to make it through the first six chapters, also Part 1, of The Ethical Slut. That said, I really enjoyed it and I can’t wait to move on to Part 2. The general message of the first six chapters is the who and what regarding ethical sluthood. I starred quotes and passages that really stood out to me, so the format I will take, is to share one, then talk about it. The first passage is from chapter 1 in the section titled “Sexual Adventurers”

“We see ourselves as people who are committed to finding a place of sanity with sex and¬†relationships¬† and to freeing ourselves to enjoy sex and sexual love in as many ways as may fit for reach of us. We may not always know what fits without trying it on, so we tend to be curious and adventurous. When we see someone who intrigues us, we like to feel free to respond, and, as we explore our response, to discover whatever is special about this new, fascinating person. We life relating to people and are quite gregarious, enjoying the company o different kinds of people, and reveling in how our differences expand our horizons and offer us new ways to be ourselves” (pg 5-6)

This stood out because it’s a mindset I’ve struggled with in past relationships. Being monogamous has meant there were more limits on how and when I could explore another fascinating person – especially within the kink world. I love surrounding myself with such an array of people – my friends don’t fit into a neat little mold of all being from the same place or being into the same things.¬†The majority of my scene friends in relationships or marriages, are ok with their partners playing non-sexually. That is, spanking or BDSM play that does not include intercourse or genital touching. I’ve always wanted to take my spanking play further, with specific partners who were open to it. For me, I had never done that outside of a committed monogamous relationship, so it seemed odd. Society said that wasn’t proper behavior for a respectable lady. It’s a line of thought I grew up with. Then, once I was in a relationship, maybe that partner wasn’t interested in exploring the exact same thing I was. Then it was the flip side – someone “in a relationship” doesn’t have needs met outside of that relationship – or so I’d always been told/taught to think.

This brings me to part of the reason why I decided to read The Ethical Slut and start this re-teaching of myself. I met someone over the summer who I just think is the coolest person ever. I also remember that one of the first things I said to him was “Oh, I’m not poly” when he asked if I was going to a local event called Poly Cocktails. It was my default reaction. I’ve been thinking about what I said since then. Why was I so quick to point it out? Perhaps out of fear; fear of something that my upbringing and society told me wasn’t going to make me happy.

In the last several months, though, I’ve been thinking more and more – hey maybe it COULD make me happy. If I stop limiting myself, and start enjoying the people in my life for what and who they are. I’d love to be someone’s priority, but I need to re-evaluate what that means. Being someone’s priority doesn’t mean being their ONLY priority, and vice versa.

In chapter two, The Ethical Slut spoke about the shame and taboo that is often associated with sex. I wasn’t brought up with any specific religious teachings and my mom didn’t push¬†abstinence¬† we mostly didn’t talk about sex at all. I thought I was a freak when I started masturbating at the age of 6 and then when I realized I was kinky, I was horrified of myself. Then I found the internet. I feel like this quote would be more appropriate for someone else, but I identify with it a bit.

“But human nature will win out. We are horny creatures, and the more sexually repressive a culture becomes, the more outrageous its covert sexual thoughts and behaviors will become, as any fan of Victorian porn can attest.” (pg 10)

I think that the concept of love for many, is one I already practice. I find it’s difficult for me to NOT have love for people I spend a lot of time with. Typically, if I am choosing to spend time with someone, it’s because I like them. I see them as an asset to my life, and I’d like to think I am to theirs as well. I definitely love my friends. Some of the males, a bit more romantically. That doesn’t mean I’m in love with them. That said, I’ve always assumed that’s how everyone felt about “just friends” but it’s not. The people I consider “just friends” by societies definition, are more along the line of¬†acquaintances. The rest of my friends are more like BFFs who I’d do anything for. Why would I spend my time with anyone else? I wouldn’t have known poly if it hit me in the face.

No one in my life could explain it to me, even now. No one would even know what I was talking about – or they would think I was crazy, trying to do something so completely unconventional. This is probably what stood out the most from Part 1 for me.

“We are pacing new roads across new territory. We have no culturally approved Scripts for open sexual lifesryles; we need to write out own. To write your own script requires a lot of effort, and a lot of honesty, and is the kind of hard work that brings many rewards. You may find the right way for you, and three years from now decide you want to live a different way — and that’s fine. You write the script, you get to make the choices, and you get to change your mind, too.” (pg 11)

So, we’re all winging it. Figuring it out as we go along. And I’m no different. I’ve known one “way of life” for the last 24 years, and more recently in my adult dating life, 6 years. There is so much more that stood out to me in reading Part 1 but this post is a great intro and covers a lot of important things for me, so I’m going to tie it up here and talk about the rest in Part 1.2.

– Marie

Categories: Lemons, Life, New Experiences, poly, polyamory, relationships, Spanking, Vanilla | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Reading The Ethical Slut, Day 0

The last year has been an interesting one for me. After my last boyfriend and I broke up, I wanted to enjoy being single and date. I had fun for a while, but grew bored. Most of my dates were simple vanilla dinner dates which was a lot of fun, but I knew it couldn’t progress unless I told them I was kinky, or just went along being vanilla.

I began talking to a friends husband and we decided to try on a daddy/girl relationship. I spoke with her because I (still do!) consider her a friend and have a lot of respect for her and their marriage. We had her blessing. We weren’t dating, but I feel like it’s an accurate term. We got coffee 4-5 days a week and had dinner once a month or so. I wanted in no way to take away from their relationship and family.

In the long term, it didn’t work out, but not because of the poly aspects. As I wrote on Fetlife I was very happy with the actual relationship we had and the fact that someone was sharing their partner with me.

It made me curious. I met someone over the summer who I will admit, I’m a bit infatuated with. I think he’s totally the coolest person ever and we always have a lot of fun together. He’s been extremely honest about his non-monogamy and how he lives his life, but it’s quite new to me and I’ve been struggling and confused lately.

I reached out to my twitter community for advice and it was recommended, several times, that I read The Ethical Slut. I am hoping I have a better understanding of not only my friends’ relationships, but of just what I want from my own relationships. It’s safe to say I feel confused and a little lost after the last year, but I’m hoping to fix that.

Several more people joined in and we’ve decided to blog/discuss it. Those sharing this adventure with me are listed below and will be in each post.

The next post will discuss the first six chapters – aka Part 1. We are using the new 2009 edition, but the 1997 one is extremely similar. Let us know if you want to join in!


Mija at eltercerojo

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Shadow Lane 2007 vs 2012 – The Beginning

Five years ago this summer, I attended my first Shadow Lane party. It was extremely exciting and¬†exhilarating. Below is the report I wrote for that party. Reading this, and other reports from first Shadow Lane parties (here¬†and¬†here) has me reminiscing and thinking about how much I’ve changed. I wasn’t even ME back then. I wasn’t Marie. I was Kate James. I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I wrote this on my then blog, a Live Journal (90% of the photo links are broken), which is still live by the way. I refuse to delete it or change it, because it’s important that it be there for me to see into my past. I’d share the second part of the party report I wrote for that, but it’s on the LJ and a horrifically¬†embarrassing¬†essay from a completely terrified, insecure, and depressed 18 year old me! Below is the first part of the party report I wrote.

That Shadow Lane, which took place the summer of 2007, when I was 18 and had already shot with Clare Fonda, Chelsea Pfieffer, Kelly Payne, and Northern Spanking, was a turning point for me. It’s when I first started to realize I wasn’t really Kate. It, unfortunately, took me a lot longer to come to know who I actually was, but I eventually introduced myself to Marie, and fell in love with the person I knew she could be.


On Friday I headed out to a nearby Mall with my dear friend Bella. We were on a mission to find the perfect dress. Four hours, 17 dresses, 4 pairs of shoes, and some leggings later, I had the dress. It was short, coral pink and satiny. My shoes were silver and sparkly. Perfect. I also finally invested in some real grown up makeup with the MUCH appreciated help of Bella. Back at the hotel I mingled with some friends before getting ready for the Vendor’s Fair. I wore tight jeans and a tank top. I was feeling very happy with my new haircut and all. Looking good puts me in a good mood.

The first person I met was Eve Howard. She is a sweetheart in person. I was honored to have been invited to vend with Clare Fonda at this party and headed over to her table right away. I set up my small binder of DVDs from Scotland and we got started selling the stock we had.

Emily Jane was wearing a hot little white one piece jumper and I simply could not stop touching her bum. As soon as the rest of the SL crowd was allowed in we started selling. Both our DVDs flew off the table and we happily signed each and every copy – and even gave out some spankings as well.

At one point we said we would kiss if someone bought both DVDs…but he walked away! Oops! I was also able to sell some of the Northern Spanking DVDs. If you’d like any, let me know and I’ll tell you what titles I have!!!

Tom aka Wood Paddles stopped by from his table where he was vending his hand made paddles. They are such an excellent quality. He brought me some toys I had been eager to aquire. See, Tom makes something we call a “C-Strap”. Hot damn! This has got to be my favorite toy ever! It’s the perfect amount of thud and feels great!

Taking a break from vending, I headed around the tables to meet and greet. It was SUCH a pleasure to meet Veronica and Dr. D. They are such a nice real couple! Veronica was very sweet and made me blush with her compliments! I was flattered! I also bought one of their t-shirts from them.

The first table I stopped at to buy from was Kitty’s Paddles. I, thankfully, was able to snag her last cocobola paddle. Yay!

I also headed over to the Amateur Spankings table and met Gary and Philly and Amber – people who I had chatted with before and I was eager to meet. I stopped by and introduced myself to Dallas as the one who had seen her first spanking video at the age of 13 and it just happened to be one of his! ūüôā

Meeting Pixie was great. I think she’s more cute in person! She was a sweetie. We didn’t get to talk much but I am sure we will connect through e-mail.

Many many people introduced themselves, including one who said she had wanted to meet me more than anyone after reading my posts on here and my blog! I am flattered! Ah! So sweet.

During the vending there was some spanking at our table. I spanked Clare, and Emily Jane. Emily Jane spanked me. Clare’s partner and cameraman who I’ll call D because I don’t know if he wants his name here, spanked me. And I spanked Clare and Emily at the same time!


So there you have it, the first Shadow Lane party report I ever wrote. This years, will come next, and will probably be quite different. While I think I can always keep improving, I think the person I am now is way better, cooler, nicer, happier and more fun than the person I was 5 years ago.

– Marie

Categories: Lemons, Life, Parties, Spanking, Uncategorized | Tags: , , | 3 Comments

Advent Blog Day 8: 33 an counting

Wait…33 what? Hours.

I’ve been awake.

But it ends at 33. I’m going to sleep. Sorry day 8 wasn’t more interesting. Well, it kind of was for me. I’ll write more about it tomorrow, when I can brain.

– Marie

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