Author Archives: thatgirlmarie

Explorations in D/s

Well, as you know by now if you’ve been keeping up with me here, or on Fetlife, or even some of you on Facebook, I’m in a relationship with someone…not so new anymore! Though it’s hard to believe it’s been less than 5 months! He’s totally into spanking and butts and everything butt, if you get my drift. It’s fantastic. However, he’s not super domly dom. That’s ok though, because I don’t need/want/like to be micromanaged. I don’t want rules and to have them documented as I break them. Are there things I want to be spanked for in a more serious way? Sure. The spanking I got this past Monday for being kind of crabby and rude when D went out of his way to meet me for drinks, is an example. My mood was off, I wasn’t being nice, and on our pit stop home, he told me to take my leggings down and then promptly pulled me across his lap. It sucked because my butt was cold! Cold butt spankings are the worst! It wasn’t long and it wasn’t brutal but it got the point across and did wonders for my mood (and warmed me up, ha!). I like scenes like that.

Anyway, most of our spanking interactions are mock-serious and/or sexy. One of my favorites, that I hadn’t experienced until now? Being spanked for touching myself.

Yep.

Masturbating.

It started out more playfully. The first time was super hot because it was unexpected. I pranced off to our room in the cabin we were staying in, to use my hitachi. He knew what I was doing but a few minutes into it he barged in, shocked, and startled me! I thought he was really mad. I quickly knew he wasn’t for serious mad, and then it was hot. He sat down and said something along the lines of now I had to finish with him watching. Then he spanked me, rather hard. Then he told me what naughty girls who touch themselves without permission get.

Can you guess?

Really?

Maybe?

Ok, they get their bottoms errrr filled. Usually with a glass Crystal Delights plug, but sometimes other things! I’m not going into tons of details but there was that! And then some other fun. But holy jesus it was hot.

So it became A Thing. And now it’s Totally A Thing All The Time. At first it was only that I had to ask permission to come if he was there. Then while he was out of town for Christmas, it was always. Since he was so far away, it made us feel a little more connected. Now, I have to ask for permission always! And last night I didn’t. I slipped on a thong (his second favorite kind of panties) and stuck my butt in the air a lot until he gave me some attention. It happened so fast I didn’t have time to ask. Oops! This glass toy I have though…it just…it’s hard to remember to ask.

I did show him how very sorry I was, though. I am, after all, a good girl. Most of the time!

Recently I got a far more fun punishment. Being “punished” for sexual things is just so damn hot. I’ll leave that one to your imagination.

– M

Categories: Life, New Experiences, relationships, Sexy Times, Spanking | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Rope & Photos

I really love rope. I really have so very very little experience with it. Yes, I know. Sad face! But I also love to model and have my photos taken. Recently JT and I did a little shoot that was mostly nudes and then some rope. I cannot wait to see them and show D 🙂 he’s gonna love em! I love that I can be myself and completely unrestricted in photos. At the same time, they’re poses, but they’re me. It’s hard to describe. I hated videos because it felt like I had to act and if you’ve ever seen any of my videos, I am so sorry! I’m a terrible actress! But photos? I love them. Here’s a candid shot from the rope shoot that I snapped with my phone.

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The rope was the color of the month from Twisted Monk. I don’t think it has a special name but they’ve added it to their regular stock so you can get it here. It’s great quality and the color is amazing. The first rope I ever bought! The photos we took this week were posed – the shots were just for the photos, it wasn’t a play session. But I hope to explore rope more with D or JT perhaps, in the future. It’s fun and sexy!

– M

Categories: New Experiences, Photography, Rope | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

2013…Looking back Sept – Dec

September 2013: Ahhh September.

August 30 – Sept 2nd: I began Labor Day Weekend off at FetFest. I’d post photos, but uh, it was illegal to take any so….I don’t have any. Ahem. JT and I went and got to pitch the super awesome yellow tent he bought for the occassion. There was so much naked. You have no idea. SO. MUCH. NAKED! We were naked pretty much from the start. It was so hot out, that was our only option. After tenting the first night on a path leading to the woods, we moved our tent so as to avoid more spider fueled panic attacks from me. I am severely agoraphobic. Then we tented near Powder & GlitterBunny, two of my favorite people. It was four days of…to be honest, anxiety and stress. JT and I weren’t communicating properly which lead to a lot of hurt feelings and The Period of Not Good Times. A lot of fun was had though. I massaged with another cool massage therapist and made some money. I experienced amazing inclusion and woke up to the sounds of people having sex and orgasms…pretty much 24/7.  It was an awesome experience.

Sept 8th – The week after I got back from FetFest was spent preparing for school, falling into a new, lighter work schedule, and involved me sending a message to someone I’d been lightly corresponding with on FetLife. Honestly, he’d sent me maybe 3-4 messages prior to this, about various things and our interactions were…minimal and kind of insignificant. Conversational. So I knew he was out of the city for the summer and messaged him asking if he was back and if so, would he like to get coffee. He said sure. Conveniently, was on his way to the airport right near my own apartment so I was on the way. He met me at my favorite coffee place and if I hadn’t had to go to work, I imagine it would have lasted a lot longer than it did. But neither of us thought anything of it really. I texted him later that I enjoyed meeting him and I’d love to talk and play sometime in the future.

Sept 22nd – With company for a week, there was a lot of texting, but not much else. A short film I was in made it to the Coney Island Film festival and I invited him to come with me. We had a lot of fun. We arrived early and grabbed a drink and a snack. My time slot was actually the “Adult” slot, even though there was only a very tame sex scene (not with me – stock footage!). Afterwards we went to the candy store and looked around. I bought some. Then we walked along the boardwalk for a while. Eventually he had to leave for a meeting and I went to the awards show.

Sept 28th – We made brunch plans for a Sunday and that morning, while texting, I said “Can we do 1?” I had a pie to bake! Strawberry peach, to be exact. Our brunch was delicious and we then walked through the Union Square Farmers Market. It was a beautiful day. So so so beautiful. Then, as we walked, I said “So, I baked a pie this morning. You wanna come over and have some?” We were near a hard cider stand and he said “Why don’t I get a bottle of this, to go with the pie?” Woot! See, seducing a man with pie is the best way 😉 At my house, we had pie with ice cream and watched A Dangerous Method. The cider was a nice touch. While we watched the movie, on my couch, we drifted closer together. Then he held my hand. *swoon* I felt like I was in HS. Later, I walked him to the bus and we parted with a hug. When I got home, I sent the following text: “So that was kind of like a date, right?” And his response came and had me dancing around my livingroom “Definitely.”

This whole thing took us both by surprise. He was not looking for a relationship at all, and I had recently stopped actively dating, instead deciding to let what would happen, happen. And it did. Our first really *intentional* date was on October 3rd. There were tacos and margaritas, and two more stops in the neighborhood for beer. It lasted hours and we closed down a local beer place. He walked me home, both of us a little buzzed, and kissed me. I floated for the next 24 hours.

October was even more of a whirlwind, and by November he was coming to my moms wedding with me. He spent Thanksgiving with my family and my brothers extended family. By the time it was time for him to return home to his own family for Christmas for a few weeks, we were solidly attached. It was a difficult 3 weeks for us both by his home coming on New Years Eve was worth the separation. We couldn’t stop touching each other – even just holding hands – but mostly the spanking…and other things 😉

And thus, I rung in the New Year with this amazing man who I love so much, and some good friends.

I know it’s late but I only hope your New Years was as awesome as mine was!

– Marie

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2013…Looking back on January – August

Well, 2014 is quickly approaching. It’s interesting to look back on the year. Facebook certainly helps a lot, but old texts, blog post drafts, etc. also help. There’s a monthly run down after the jump…pictures included!

Continue reading

Categories: Lemons, Life, New Experiences, Parties, relationships, Rope, Spanking, Vanilla | Leave a comment

Merry Christmas! All the things!

It’s nearly 11pm here and I am cuddled under a blanket in a tiny uncomfortable twin bed in the guest room of my moms new house. Today was stressful but not terrible. It was really hard having D so far away. Some of me worries we are too attached so far, but the rest of me is like “who cares?” – what’s so wrong with loving someone and wanting to see them. I know I’m fine without him, I’m a big girl. I’d just like him here. I miss cuddles and seeing his happy surprised face. I miss seeing all his facial expressions – including his serious face which never lasts long!

I also would have loved to be with him – either there or here – for all the family tradition stuff! This year it was only my mom & her new husband, me, and my aunt Michelle. My brother and (soon-to-be) sister-in-law decided to stay at their house this year as they just moved in a few months ago. It was really weird to not have them here this morning. I didn’t like it and I struggled a lot. Christmas is already hard for me, as it’s one of the last times I saw my dad alive, twelve years ago actually. With my mom married and having changed her name, I feel even further away from my family. Also, I think it’s because I moved away, but my mom always gets me less than my brother and anyone else for Christmas. It sounds really selfish (because it is!) and I feel guilty every year, but watching other people (especially someone else’s kids – her husbands) open all cool gifts and most of mine are knick knacks that will just take up space, kind of sucks. I open all my gifts and she said “I have one more but it’s for your birthday.” It was exactly what I asked for – a Soda Stream – but I hate that I can’t manage to get nice things for both my birthday and Christmas. I suppose it’s partly my fault too. I stopped giving her a list because she always bitches that everything is too expensive but I’m not 12 anymore. I don’t need/want dollar store toys. So she asks what I want and I say nothing because even the little things seem extravagant and luxurious to her.

Oh well, I know a lot of people don’t get anything at all – I’m just tired of having to sit and watch everyone else. It makes me sad. I’d rather get a lot less and have it be nicer or practical compared to felt wine glass rings (do people use them?) and (Halloween!) cardboard coasters…

Then we got into a fight because she made comments about things she’s going to give to my brother & SIL – like her china that she already gave them. From her wedding. To my dad. Who I am still quite attached to, compared to them. While my brother is probably never going to get married!! It hurt a lot. She gave them her couch when she moved (brand new!). I pointed out that she has other kids, including an actual daughter, not just a DIL. I’m very sentimental. Owning things that my parents it grandparents owned is very important to me. It just always has been.

Anyway!

I spent Sunday – Tuesday with my grandparents (who were actually my moms foster parents so are the only family I’ve ever known on her side) and aunts which was great fun. They’re nice to be around. My one aunt just found out she’s pregnant. With twins! Fraternal boys! I am so excited for them, even though dad is freaking out. They already have a little girl who will be 2 a few weeks either before, or after, the twins are born. Good timing, eh?

Tomorrow we will see more family and then come back to my moms. She will drive me back home to the city on Friday. We may stop to see my SIL but I’m not sure. I cannot wait to be home! I am going to clean my room, clean all the things! Saturday I’m having a little pre-birthday and that will be fun. Again, I wish D was here but i think part of not being attached is to do things I normally would. Not to act like he doesn’t exist, or not consider him, but to still do things even if he can’t be here. I miss feeling his body near mine – touch is so important to my psyche. We can talk essentially whenever we want, but it’s not always clear and we can’t touch. But soon! One week!!

I will leave you with this…the new panties I bought yesterday (errrr one of 5 pair!) that I will apparently get spanked for buying. I figured I might as well wear them 😉

Merry Christmas y’all!

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Tis The Season

It is officially 3 days until Christmas. Well, I’m writing this and it’s still Sunday so it’s 3 days! By the time it’s posted and anyone reads it, it’l be Monday probably.

It’s been a week and a half since Understated left for home for Christmas and I miss him terribly. I know he’ll be back, but still! I’m already looking forward to next year, when I can wake up next to him and we can open presents together in person vs. over skype – which is our current plan. I haven’t been spanked since at least a day or two before he left and I really got used to being spanked regularly!!

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my family though. Two days after he left I visited my grandparents in NJ to hang out with my adorable little cousin for a while. It was a nice reprieve but I had to come home because I had to work. Now I am back for the week for Christmas. I’ll be going to my moms on Christmas Eve and then come back to the city probably the 27th. I wish I could travel at will but I am sadly at the whims of other people as rides and public transportation. Otherwise I’d come home the day after Christmas and enjoy my naked solitude!

Then I’m having a little spanking get together with my closest friends – basically I want all my favorite people around to spank me, and some girl-y friends to share cake and shenanigans with. It makes me sad that D can’t be here, but with both of my roommates out of town, I rarely get a chance so will go ahead with party planning. We have a lot of fun planned once he’s back.

I also reached out this weekend, to someone I had never spent a lot of time with before. Someone I’d seen at parties in passing and who has always always been kind to me – especially on Fetlife. We met up while she is in town and galavanted around my neighborhood and did ALL the talking. I’m so glad I reached out and got to know her. I so easily judge by what I see, that I need to remember to take a step back, and interact with people, and give them a chance. I won’t ignore my senses which have thus far ALWAYS been correct, but I really want to make more of an effort to make friends.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on the last year. A lot has happened. It feels like far longer than a year! I’m planning a bigger post with a reflection on the year that I will post sometime between Christmas and New Years. Also, I maybe will write about the SSNY Christmas Party, too.

For now, I leave you with my adorable new stripey socks. Rainbow socks are D’s favorite so I ordered a few pair 😉 I cannot wait for him to come home and do ALL the naughty things to me while I wear them. And only them!

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And one more for good measure. Merry Christmas!

merryxmas

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*thunk*

That was the sound of me falling asleep and falling onto the floor.

The last three months have been INTENSE. My semester was only 12 weeks the way my school does it, with a 6 week session coming up in Jan/Feb, but I was loaded. I was taking five classes (General Psych, Eng 101, Critical Thinking, Community Health, and Freshman Seminar) and I acquired an extra job mid-semester which brought my total up to four. I work in two locations, have my own private practice (although, I don’t see a ton of clients that way), and I am now a writing tutor.

Between all of that and my newfound social life, I’ve had an exhausting – but amazing – fall. The payout will be worth it though. Even with a probably B+ in one of my classes, I will still likely have a 3.8. This is good because I am hoping to transfer to a four year school sooner, rather than later, and I’ve got an ivy-league on my list!

The semester is finally over and I have one last week of tying up loose ends with finals and my on campus job, then it’s a few weeks off from school work. Understated (this is what we’ll be referring to the boy as…or D) leaves soon to go back to where he’s from to take care of some things and visit family for Christmas. It’s going to be very difficult to be without him for 3 weeks but he is home just in time for NYE and we have a mini-getaway planned for my birthday that weekend.

Last night was the annual SSNY Christmas party and it was a lot of fun. I was a little saddened that a few people I wanted to play with, didn’t ask or told me a variation of “maybe later” and didn’t follow up. It was our first party together so that made it a bit of a learning experience for us both – not bad, just navigating waters that I haven’t been in for a very long time (since Max, really). I am sore after playing with, of course, Understated, an amazing English gentleman, a new friend I met a few months ago who is in the states for an internship (we’ll call him…V), and last but not least, Rad.

I thoroughly enjoyed all the play I got, but shyness + social anxiety is making me overthink the party and wonder why so few people asked me to play.

For now, I am going to go to sleep. D and I spent the day out by having brunch, going to Barnes & Noble, the Union Square Holiday Market, and the Strand. We then went home where I cooked dinner. Then he spanked me quite hard with the hairbrush and I cried.

I’ll leave the rest of the evening up to your imagination!

– Marie

Categories: Lemons, Life, New Experiences, Parties, relationships, Spanking | Leave a comment

All The Updates!

I have two posts in drafts that I really want to finish, but damn, school is keeping me massively busy. It’s my first semester back in a few years, and it’s kickin’ my ass!

You see, I have a Ray of Sunshine in my life and he likes to assign over the top projects and other busy work to make himself feel like he’s doing his job. I think the skills I am learning in this class are extremely valuable, but I cannot move beyond having a terrible professor. Thankfully, it’ll all be over December 6th. In the meantime, a LOT has happened.

1. I met an amazing guy. He is my boyfriend. He spanks me (!!). He likes brunch. I am ever so fond of him!

2. My mom got hitched! It was kind of awesome.

3. My youngest brother is now a heroin addict. He’s turned into a terrible person because of it. It’s sad.

4. I’m getting spanked at least semi-regularly.

5. I have some pretty exciting new life goals!

6. I am happy.

Now, I should probably get back to finishing this study guide for my RoS because I fell asleep while doing it last night, and have been up since almost 4am (it’s nearly 5) working to complete it.

– Marie

Categories: Life, relationships, Spanking, Vanilla | 1 Comment

I think I need to be here again

Maybe.

Or maybe not?

I started reading my own blog posts again this morning (over at Spanking Kate James), and it hit me that I think I need to be writing regularly again. I’ve watched a lot of other people blossom into video stars and blogging queens and it’s brought back a flood of memories. There were days (years really) when the only people with blogs were Bailey (of Spanking Bailey fame) on her site, Sierra over on Live Journal when she was with Dallas, and….well, I think that was it. Sierra inspired me to start blogging, and there were limited options back then. No one else really had a blog other than us, until Pixie started blogging. And then it feels like it exploded. Blogging was no longer really a small sanctuary, it’s now an entire world – a community all of it’s own. It’s not a bad thing, but it made me run. It got big and kind of scary.

That, combined with my disconnect from the “Kate James” persona, lead me to leave blogging. I wasn’t getting anything from it anymore. I am not Kate, I don’t do videos anymore, and spanking isn’t my whole life (although it still is, and always will be, one of the most important parts of my kink life).

So why do I want to come back? I’ve been feeling a disconnect from the spanking community for a while, and I need to feel connected to it again. So I’m gonna try… And this is the place – this blogging place – I used to come to, for community, so I’ll give it a try.

I’ve been inconsistent but I’m going to be better…I swear!

– M

Categories: Lemons, Life, Spanking | 1 Comment

Reading The Ethical Slut, Part 1.1

Normally, I’m a quick reader. I made it through nearly all of the Harry Potter books with non-stop 24 hour reading. I’ve never been a big fan of non-fiction, however, as my reading needs to slow down so comprehension goes up. It took me a few days to make it through the first six chapters, also Part 1, of The Ethical Slut. That said, I really enjoyed it and I can’t wait to move on to Part 2. The general message of the first six chapters is the who and what regarding ethical sluthood. I starred quotes and passages that really stood out to me, so the format I will take, is to share one, then talk about it. The first passage is from chapter 1 in the section titled “Sexual Adventurers”

“We see ourselves as people who are committed to finding a place of sanity with sex and relationships  and to freeing ourselves to enjoy sex and sexual love in as many ways as may fit for reach of us. We may not always know what fits without trying it on, so we tend to be curious and adventurous. When we see someone who intrigues us, we like to feel free to respond, and, as we explore our response, to discover whatever is special about this new, fascinating person. We life relating to people and are quite gregarious, enjoying the company o different kinds of people, and reveling in how our differences expand our horizons and offer us new ways to be ourselves” (pg 5-6)

This stood out because it’s a mindset I’ve struggled with in past relationships. Being monogamous has meant there were more limits on how and when I could explore another fascinating person – especially within the kink world. I love surrounding myself with such an array of people – my friends don’t fit into a neat little mold of all being from the same place or being into the same things. The majority of my scene friends in relationships or marriages, are ok with their partners playing non-sexually. That is, spanking or BDSM play that does not include intercourse or genital touching. I’ve always wanted to take my spanking play further, with specific partners who were open to it. For me, I had never done that outside of a committed monogamous relationship, so it seemed odd. Society said that wasn’t proper behavior for a respectable lady. It’s a line of thought I grew up with. Then, once I was in a relationship, maybe that partner wasn’t interested in exploring the exact same thing I was. Then it was the flip side – someone “in a relationship” doesn’t have needs met outside of that relationship – or so I’d always been told/taught to think.

This brings me to part of the reason why I decided to read The Ethical Slut and start this re-teaching of myself. I met someone over the summer who I just think is the coolest person ever. I also remember that one of the first things I said to him was “Oh, I’m not poly” when he asked if I was going to a local event called Poly Cocktails. It was my default reaction. I’ve been thinking about what I said since then. Why was I so quick to point it out? Perhaps out of fear; fear of something that my upbringing and society told me wasn’t going to make me happy.

In the last several months, though, I’ve been thinking more and more – hey maybe it COULD make me happy. If I stop limiting myself, and start enjoying the people in my life for what and who they are. I’d love to be someone’s priority, but I need to re-evaluate what that means. Being someone’s priority doesn’t mean being their ONLY priority, and vice versa.

In chapter two, The Ethical Slut spoke about the shame and taboo that is often associated with sex. I wasn’t brought up with any specific religious teachings and my mom didn’t push abstinence  we mostly didn’t talk about sex at all. I thought I was a freak when I started masturbating at the age of 6 and then when I realized I was kinky, I was horrified of myself. Then I found the internet. I feel like this quote would be more appropriate for someone else, but I identify with it a bit.

“But human nature will win out. We are horny creatures, and the more sexually repressive a culture becomes, the more outrageous its covert sexual thoughts and behaviors will become, as any fan of Victorian porn can attest.” (pg 10)

I think that the concept of love for many, is one I already practice. I find it’s difficult for me to NOT have love for people I spend a lot of time with. Typically, if I am choosing to spend time with someone, it’s because I like them. I see them as an asset to my life, and I’d like to think I am to theirs as well. I definitely love my friends. Some of the males, a bit more romantically. That doesn’t mean I’m in love with them. That said, I’ve always assumed that’s how everyone felt about “just friends” but it’s not. The people I consider “just friends” by societies definition, are more along the line of acquaintances. The rest of my friends are more like BFFs who I’d do anything for. Why would I spend my time with anyone else? I wouldn’t have known poly if it hit me in the face.

No one in my life could explain it to me, even now. No one would even know what I was talking about – or they would think I was crazy, trying to do something so completely unconventional. This is probably what stood out the most from Part 1 for me.

“We are pacing new roads across new territory. We have no culturally approved Scripts for open sexual lifesryles; we need to write out own. To write your own script requires a lot of effort, and a lot of honesty, and is the kind of hard work that brings many rewards. You may find the right way for you, and three years from now decide you want to live a different way — and that’s fine. You write the script, you get to make the choices, and you get to change your mind, too.” (pg 11)

So, we’re all winging it. Figuring it out as we go along. And I’m no different. I’ve known one “way of life” for the last 24 years, and more recently in my adult dating life, 6 years. There is so much more that stood out to me in reading Part 1 but this post is a great intro and covers a lot of important things for me, so I’m going to tie it up here and talk about the rest in Part 1.2.

– Marie

Categories: Lemons, Life, New Experiences, poly, polyamory, relationships, Spanking, Vanilla | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment